I did not choose this. I want to be very clear about that.
It started two years ago. Just an awareness. He said something kind to me during a hard period and something shifted. I tried to unshift it. I cannot.
I have not acted on it. I will not. She is my best friend. He is a good man who loves his wife. What I feel is mine to carry and mine to bury, and I am doing that.
But carrying it alone is heavy.
The reason I am writing this anonymously is because I need someone to know — not to validate it, not to encourage it, just to know. Secrets this heavy need somewhere to go or they rot inside you.
I know what this sounds like. I know how it reads. I am not a villain. I am a person who developed feelings I did not ask for, in a situation where acting on them would destroy people I love.
I am choosing the people I love over the feelings I did not choose.
But it is not easy. And I needed to say that somewhere.
It started two years ago. Just an awareness. He said something kind to me during a hard period and something shifted. I tried to unshift it. I cannot.
I have not acted on it. I will not. She is my best friend. He is a good man who loves his wife. What I feel is mine to carry and mine to bury, and I am doing that.
But carrying it alone is heavy.
The reason I am writing this anonymously is because I need someone to know — not to validate it, not to encourage it, just to know. Secrets this heavy need somewhere to go or they rot inside you.
I know what this sounds like. I know how it reads. I am not a villain. I am a person who developed feelings I did not ask for, in a situation where acting on them would destroy people I love.
I am choosing the people I love over the feelings I did not choose.
But it is not easy. And I needed to say that somewhere.
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